Rachel

Ecuador Quito North Mission

I have waited my entire life to go on a mission. I received my call to the Ecuador Quito North mission in March of 2018. I left for the MTC in August of 2018. I loved every minute of it. My district was amazing, my zone was incredible, and my teachers were the best around. 

Things didn’t start going downhill for me until I got to Ecuador. As soon as I arrived in my first sector, I struggled a lot with lack of motivation, major homesickness, and feelings of inadequacy. I had never dealt with emotions like that before in my life. I tried to lose myself and go to work like I had been counseled to do, but nothing helped. I prayed I would break my ankle or something so that I would have to go home. Of course, in the back of my mind and in my heart, I did NOT want to return home. After taking with the mission president’s wife and eventually the mission counselor, I was diagnosed with depression and began medication. It got better for a while, but quickly began going downhill halfway through my second transfer.

After a lot of prayer, I felt very strongly I had completed the mission that Heavenly Father called me to serve. It was time for me to go home. After meeting with my mission president, it was determined that I would return home in the next few days.

Going home after four months of service was the best hard thing I’ve ever had to do. I never experienced anything so difficult, but I have never felt so close to the Lord as I did during that time.

I have been home for almost 10 months now and I still struggle with feeling like a failure sometimes. I still think about my mission a lot and sometimes feel afraid to tell people that I served, especially here at BYU. But I know in my heart that the Lord is pleased with the service that I gave and that I in no way disappointed Him. I served MY mission, but there is still so much for me to do.

To those of you who came home early, know it gets easier. The pain and negative feelings will go away.

© 2020 by Beyond my Badge.

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